Shirley
The urgency to escape now
I am not always a fan of living in my now, basically of living in the moment. I know it sounds crazy, but it is true. I am both intentionally or unintentionally quick to search for ways to escape from my life, from the dread and weight of responsibility (this is often magnified by the fact that I am a perfectionist), the anxiety of not being inadequate, the heavy demands, the fear of failure, the inability to predict the future, disappointment, regret. And even when I am actually having a good day and enjoying an accomplishment, I never really just enjoy the moment, I am quickly pondering and planning the conquering of another future moment. So, I never really get to celebrate my victory in the now, and instead quickly start chasing after another goal.
I do believe that I am not alone, and that in all of us there exists this urgency to escape now, the now that makes us feel uncomfortable (this could even be motivated by success), forgotten, pressure, pain, inadequate, the weight of expectations, anxiety, hurt, loss, rejection, exposed, lonely, unloved, lack of progress, failure, unmet expectations, fear, uncertainty, disappointment, betrayal, unforgiveness, past wounds affecting our now etc. Better yet, escapism looks like a great option especially when the “now” we find ourselves in does not look like anything we imagined our life would look like.
In fact, I realised the other day that most of my days are spent searching or dreaming of an escape. From the moment I wake up the wheels in my mind are always turning as they plot and search for an escape from my now. This revelation shocked me to the core. So much so, that I had a sit down with myself in order to figure out why I was always looking for a way out of my now. This is despite the fact that I actually really love my job, enjoy spending time with my family and friends, and generally enjoy my life. So why did I feel this constant and even urgent need to escape? And then the answer came to me.
Living in the now is never easy even when life is supposedly perfect, it often does not feel very sexy. This is ironically motivated by the fact that truly living in your now is an experience that is utterly magical and magnificent. This is because to fully understand the magic of truly living in your now is to understand that it comes with a heavy cost, it is not easy. Yes, I know the never-ending irony of life applies even here that: everything that is good for you never looks like it, and living in the now is one of those ironies. Hence, because now often looks ordinary and never really special, and often is hard, we usually end up giving it up for flimsy escapes or for a few pieces of silver. We never truly understand the true importance or the gift and privilege of the moment we are standing on in our now.
“Now” is the most vital moment that anyone of us will ever have. The past we cannot change and the future we cannot predict, but with “now” we can build, we can conquer, we can grow, we can confront past wounds and hurts, we can change dysfunctional family paradigms. The moment you are standing on now is greatness, here is holy ground, here is planting ground, here is future- changing- impact- making ground. Now is what you actually have. Hence, that is why it is often painful, demanding, hard, long suffering, and so often dwelling on the past or escaping to the future always looks like a great idea, but it robs us of truly being everything that God wants us to be in the now. Escaping your now robs you of purpose of your yesterday and leads to regret once you get to the future. Hence, if the devil can make you believe that now is irrelevant or that you will always have an endless supply of do overs, or better yet have you dwelling or being stuck in the past or pinning after an unassured future, then he has won. Further if he can have you ignoring your now, then he owns your now, and your future and your legacy.
To fully experience the magnificence of now demands that we are fully present and open, and ignore or put away the desire to escape (future, alcohol, relationships, sex, eating, television, work, dwelling on the past or future, procrastinating) depending on what your current cup of tea is. For me escape is this perfect rest where I have no responsibility and watch tv all day and night while eating all my comfort food. This is how I escape when my now is uncomfortable or hard or just simply new and unfamiliar. There is this urgency, this obsession with creating this perfect rest. So instead of being present in the moment and understanding what God is telling me about my now, I am always busy chasing after this illusive perfect rest like I am on hamster on a wheel.
So, I now realise that things need to change. I must face now no matter how I feel. I must stand in the light and not hide. I must stand still and exposed. I must let the light shine through me and remove the anxiety of an unknown future, and the darkness that is from the past that I have been allowing to negatively affect my now. I must experience the moment whether joyous, whether painful, whether demanding or uncomfortable. I must not hide; I must not run.
I urge you that no matter how your now looks like to be vigilant, seek God and find out what He requires from you. Remember also that now does not have to be perfect and often looks opposite to what you expected or hoped for, but that is the reason why it is breeding ground for healing, and for greatness. It is where those who will conquer and succeed are separated from those who will just tarry on and live an okay life. Here is where those who are great will be separated from those who missed their moment live in regret in the future. Do not miss you now.
My goal in 2022 is to be fully awake in my now, no more sleeping, no more escape because if I sleep, I cannot heal or conquer, if I escape then I am asleep and my now will pass me by. I am awake in 2022. I will not retreat, I will not surrender, I will no cower and hide. I will show up fully present for my now.
Verses to read
Isaiah 43:18-19
“Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
Mathew 6: 31-34
So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Ecclesiastes 5:18-20
After looking at the way things are on this earth, here’s what I’ve decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that’s about it. That’s the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what’s given and delighting in the work. It’s God’s gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now. It’s useless to brood over how long we might live.
Psalm 118:24
This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Ephesians 5:15-20
Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Colossians 4:5-6
Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
James 4:14
Look here, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit.” How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.
1 Corinthians 10:31
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.
Colossians 3:12-14
Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all this put-on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
James 4:13-16
Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.