When I am the Villain of the story!

Picture: Franco Monsalvo

When I am the Villain of the story!

Random House Unabridged Dictionary defines a villain as: a  cruelly malicious  person who is involved in or devoted to wickedness  or  crime; scoundrel; or a character in a play, novel, or the like, who constitutes an important evil agency in the plot.

Dictionary.com defines a villain as: a cruelly malicious person who is involved in or devoted to wickedness or crime; scoundrel.  

collinsdictionary.com defines a  villain as someone who deliberately harms other people or  breaks  the law in order to what he or she wants.

When I am the Villain of the story!

Do you remember the first villain you ever encountered in your life, was it an adult helper (teacher, nanny or parent) who was cruel to you as a child or was it a mean child in school, the playground or neighbourhood? Also, could it be the person that you thought was your friend and looked like a friend, but sold you out to the highest bidder, or are you the villain when you gossip about your best friend?

Who really is a villain?

If you were fed on a good dose of cartoons growing up then the villain was pretty easy to identify. They came with horns in their head, long or missing teeth, wrinkly face, shifty eyes, suspicious composure, and a loud high-pitched never-ending dastardly laugh. They often also came accompanied with a diabolical plan to destroy the hero, and moustache on hand. Yes, an outrageously long moustache which is curved upwards on the end. And who can forget the sound track twist gifted to bad guys by the often overly dramatic soap operas. So that when a villain walks into a room or scene they are accompanied by “bay guy” music. Basically, the villain looks bad from the onset almost like they have a bright neon sign pointing to their villainous nature, but what about villains in the real world, do they look like Jafar in Disney’s Aladdin or the Evil Queen (Maleficent) in Sleeping Beauty who are so obviously evil at first glance with their dramatic dark and broody dress code that warns all those who come in their presence of their villainy or do they look like you and me?

I believe that we all have the ability to be good but when put in certain circumstances we also have the ability to be the villain of the story. The duality of our nature can be perplexing. The ability to be the hero in one story and then switch and be villain in another story can be a lot to digest. Yes, you with all your glory can be the ma hater in someone’s life!

The most humbling, tragic and even scary thing I have come to learn as I continue to walk on this earth is that most villains are never even aware that they played the villain in someone’s story or even in their own story. They walk around oblivious of their actions and resulting reactions. We are often not able to look and really see the bad in ourselves, it’s always easier to clearly see the villainy in the actions of others. Sometimes we are not able to see it and it takes God to open our eyes to see our own actions. Our ego does a great job in hiding our flaws from ourselves. Indeed, it is self-deception at its worst. I must admit that even I who considers myself to be quite the “good girl” (yes, I have the receipts) have been a villain both intentionally and unintentionally. When I first came to the self-awareness and realisation that maybe the person that I thought had wronged me was instead in fact a victim of my actions, I was very taken aback.

So, when am I the villain in the story?

I believe that there are two types of villains, the intentional one and the unintentional or unconscious one. I really do not know which is worse, all I know is that although intention may be lacking in one, they are both just as lethal and destructive. Then this is further dissected into villains who fall into another three categories, the active, passive, and the enabler. The active villain takes steps and is the instigator of the villainy. The passive villain does nothing and allows the villain to go about their business uninterrupted, basically those who choose to remain quiet when they should have spoken. Those who indirectly facilitates the actions of the primary villain when they refuse to speak up for themselves or for others because they want to be loved or liked or they simply want to avoid conflict at any cost, and hence in their silence they help to create a healthy environment where the villain can thrive. Then there is the enabler who may not engage in the villainous act like the passive villain through silence or looking the other way, but they actively engage in the villainy by actively taking action that helps to create an environment where the villain can comfortably do their work.

A practical example of the above: when people leave a relationship, they will often say that the relationship was toxic because of the villainous actions of the other party, yet the uncomfortable truth is that it often takes two to make a relationship toxic. I know it is a harsh truth that gets me all the time yet I am unable to escape the responsibility of it because even by our silence or intentionally ignoring the truth for whatever reason(passive) we are still playing an active role in the toxicity. Hence, you may be calling the other person a villain, but maybe you may also be the assistant villain in this case because by your silence or by creating an enabling environment for the villain to be comfortably toxic we played a key role(enabler). The question then becomes why did you believe that you were deserving of that person’s actions towards you, why did you stay if they were toxic, what in you believes that you deserve to be treated in that way? Other times we play the lead role as the villain and we must ask ourselves why we intentional went out of our way to be cruel and mistreat someone we claimed to love?

In the bible we get to see characters who were men and women of God, but who in some instance intentionally and intentionally played the villain in a variety of ways. These include: Jacob who tricked his twin brother out of his blessing (Genesis 27) and also tricked Laban his father in -law by producing for him an abundance of  “weaker” animals ( 30:29-43 ), Moses who committed murder(Exodus 2:11-15), Peter who denied Jesus (Luke 22:54-62),  Abraham who gave his wife to other men on two different occasions to protect his own life(Genesis 12:10-20 and 20:1-18), to Sarah (Jacob’s wife) and Hagar (Jacob’s baby mama) treatment of each other (Genesis 16-1:15, 21-1:14),  Jonah whose heart was completely broken because he did not want God to save the people Nineveh because he believed they deserved the anger of God(Jonah 4:1-11), Rebekah  who openly loved one son, Jacob, and treated her other son Esau like he was an enemy to the point where she conspired to trick her husband to ensure that  Jacob got his father’s blessing and not Esau, Joseph’s brothers who sold him into slavery because he was his father’s favourite (Genesis 37:12-36),  and Samson  who is born to be a saviour of his people but chooses to  be consistently selfish and to make decisions based solely on his desires and never for the good of his people (Judges 13-16).  

However, the story that I believe wonderfully highlights the duality of human nature is the story of David. His story is one of the greatest examples of how complex we are as human beings, how we can be the hero in someone’s story and the villain in another person’s story. David’s life was a portrait of success and failure, and the biblical record highlights the fact that David was far from perfect. Similar to David we are all capable of being both good and bad, the good and bad in us often co-exists what matters is the choices we make on what we will pursue.

David was the man who the Bible bestows on the title of being ‘a man after God’s own heart’ (1 Samuel 13: 14 and Acts 13:22), and the good book is filled with story after story of the great man that David was. He was a man who was brave like no other so much so that with a sling and a promise from God he challenged and defeated Goliath, a giant and great warrior (1 Samuel 17). He had a deep desire to follow God’s will and do “everything” God wanted him to do, and his reverence for God was unmatched to the point that he would not go into battle without first seeking and hearing from God (1 Samuel 23:1-3, 1 Samuel 23:4-5, 1 Samuel 23:10-11, 1 Samuel 23:12-14, 1 Samuel 30:8-9, 2 Samuel 2:1-2, 2 Samuel 5:17-21, 2 Samuel 5:22-25). He is also one of the greatest worshipers, at one point he worshiped God with such great enthusiasm that his clothes fell off (2 Samuel 6). He was a hero! Yet David is the same man who killed Uriah the Hittite, and committed adultery with Bathsheba, Uriah’s wife. Yes, he was also the dastardly villain in Uriah’s story. This is found in 2 Samuel 11 and 12:

David and Bathsheba

11 In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem.

² One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, ³ and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.” ⁴ Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her. (Now she was purifying herself from her monthly uncleanness.) Then she went back home. ⁵ The woman conceived and sent word to David, saying, “I am pregnant.”

⁶ So David sent this word to Joab: “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” And Joab sent him to David. ⁷ When Uriah came to him, David asked him how Joab was, how the soldiers were and how the war was going. ⁸ Then David said to Uriah, “Go down to your house and wash your feet.” So Uriah left the palace, and a gift from the king was sent after him. ⁹ But Uriah slept at the entrance to the palace with all his master’s servants and did not go down to his house.

¹⁰ David was told, “Uriah did not go home.” So he asked Uriah, “Haven’t you just come from a military campaign? Why didn’t you go home?”

¹¹ Uriah said to David, “The ark and Israel and Judah are staying in tents,^[a] and my commander Joab and my lord’s men are camped in the open country. How could I go to my house to eat and drink and make love to my wife? As surely as you live, I will not do such a thing!”

¹² Then David said to him, “Stay here one more day, and tomorrow I will send you back.” So Uriah remained in Jerusalem that day and the next. ¹³ At David’s invitation, he ate and drank with him, and David made him drunk. But in the evening Uriah went out to sleep on his mat among his master’s servants; he did not go home.

¹⁴ In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah. ¹⁵ In it he wrote, “Put Uriah out in front where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die.”

¹⁶ So while Joab had the city under siege, he put Uriah at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were. ¹⁷ When the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, some of the men in David’s army fell; moreover, Uriah the Hittite died.

¹⁸ Joab sent David a full account of the battle. ¹⁹ He instructed the messenger: “When you have finished giving the king this account of the battle, ²⁰ the king’s anger may flare up, and he may ask you, ‘Why did you get so close to the city to fight? Didn’t you know they would shoot arrows from the wall? ²¹ Who killed Abimelek son of Jerub-Besheth^[b]? Didn’t a woman drop an upper millstone on him from the wall, so that he died in Thebez? Why did you get so close to the wall?’ If he asks you this, then say to him, ‘Moreover, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead.’”

²² The messenger set out, and when he arrived he told David everything Joab had sent him to say. ²³ The messenger said to David, “The men overpowered us and came out against us in the open, but we drove them back to the entrance of the city gate. ²⁴ Then the archers shot arrows at your servants from the wall, and some of the king’s men died. Moreover, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead.”

²⁵ David told the messenger, “Say this to Joab: ‘Don’t let this upset you; the sword devours one as well as another. Press the attack against the city and destroy it.’ Say this to encourage Joab.”

²⁶ When Uriah’s wife heard that her husband was dead, she mourned for him. ²⁷ After the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to his house, and she became his wife and bore him a son. But the thing David had done displeased the Lord.

Nathan Rebukes David

12 The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, “There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. ² The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, ³ but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.

⁴ “Now a traveller came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveller who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.”

⁵ David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! ⁶ He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.”

⁷ Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. ⁸I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. ⁹ Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. ¹⁰ Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’

¹¹ “This is what the Lord says: ‘Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. ¹² You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.’”

¹³ Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die.

 ¹⁴ But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you will die.”

After Prophet Nathan points David’s sin to him, he was truly repentant. His repentant heart is further highlighted in Psalm 51 where we read David’s prayer of repentance to God after acknowledging that he had committed adultery and murder.

Psalm 51 which provides: 

¹ Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
² Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

³ For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so, you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge.
⁵ Surely, I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
⁶ Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
⁹ Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity.

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways, so that sinners will turn back to you.
¹⁴ Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, you who are God my Savior, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
¹⁵ Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise.
¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

¹⁸ May it please you to prosper Zion, to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
¹⁹ Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous, in burnt offerings offered whole; then bulls will be offered on your altar.

What we can learn from David’s story is three things. Firstly, it is important to know and be aware when you have played the villain in someone’s life or your life whether it was intentional or unintentional. It is not always easy to know when we have played the villain, and that is where the Holy spirit comes in and convicts us. Other times it is the party we have wronged who will approach us or if necessary, a third party has to come in like in the story of David where Prophet, Nathan, had to open let him know of his sin, but even in this situation it is only the conviction of the Holy spirit that will affirm it in us and spur us to action. Half the battle is knowing because once you know then you can do something about it. Ignorance may be bliss but people perish because of it (Hosea 4:6). Knowing what we did and naming it for what is without trying to sugar coat it is the beginning of healing. Secondly, once we know of our actions then can repent and seek God for forgiveness. After, we can seek forgiveness from those we have wronged, which they may accept or reject, but what matters is taking initiative to seek the forgiveness. Once this is done, we can also seek the journey to forgiving ourselves. If you do search your heart and find that indeed you have played the villain, you must not punish ourselves or look down on ourselves or even believe that you are beyond redemption because we struggle or failed in a particular area or worse make us lose our faith in God or the gospel. God knows who we are, He knows the areas we excel in and the areas we struggle in. He is not shocked by our weaknesses or the bad in us. We should not hide this sides of ourself; in fact, it should remind us of our need and dependence on God and push us towards or draw us to the Father. It should make us seek him with everything in us. This is because villain in us is nurtured and groomed in dark corners. Thirdly, although it is difficult to see ourselves as a villain, it is also liberating to come to the realisation that we all have been and have the capacity to be the villain. Difficult because we always like to think that we are good and that others are the ones who have a problem. I believe it may be the ego in all of us. Liberating because it helped me to see myself truly for the first time, the good and also the bad that exists alongside it, and most important made me run to God the father because it helped me see how much I needed His grace. Also, the realisation of your villainy in the story of another or in your own story helps to put a spotlight in the areas in us that need healing. Areas that we need to intentionally target and heal through seeking God and even professional help where necessary. Hence, everyone one of us if we are lucky enough will have that come- to- Jesus moment when you realise that you too can be a villain or have been a villain. I say lucky not to glorify villainy in any way, but because once you are aware of your actions then you can act and make the necessary changes and seek forgiveness, but if you are never aware then you can never grow or heal.

It is worth noting, that villains are birthed out of areas we are not willing to shine a light on, acknowledge and bring before God. Yes, villains are birthed out of childhood wounds, pain, rejection, selfishness, low self-esteem, brokenness, pride and if you have lived long enough you will realise no one is the exception as we all have a story. Those unfulfilled needs or desires that we struggle with, things we are resentful about because we never got or things that we are fearful or ashamed of. Those old wounds that we are not willing to acknowledge and face head on. David’s wounds included rejection (1 Samuel 16: 11)(I Samuel 17: 28) ( Psalm 118:22-24). Yes, we all have those dark corners we like to keep hidden. However, God is always open and willing to walk with us in all and everything, all we need to do is trust Him and let Him in.

What area are you hiding from God. What is your secret need, or lack or wound? Take your needs and wounds to God. Release control!