Shirley
This one lesson I have to say has been the hardest and the most revolutionary one in my life. In that it has challenged the very basis of the foundational philosophy of my life. It completely contradicts everything that I have been taught about life and about success. It is truly both illuminating and humbling at the same time and has changed my life profoundly.
I have always been taught to strive to be independent, capable and the best at everything I touch. To constantly plan ahead of every situation in order to protect myself from life. That being in control, capable and assured in my own ability to provide, excel and take care of myself meant that I was successful. To basically strive to be independent and self-sufficient at all times. Interestingly enough, after really critically analysing my life, I also realised that although I am a Christian and saved, that hidden in the shadows of my heart was the desire to be even independent and self-sufficient from God.
So anytime I went through a season where I had no choice but to utterly and completely trust God because there was absolutely nothing else that I could do to change my situation in the physical, I would struggle. I would find myself stressing about it, and trying to pray the season away because of the feeling of being dependant on God as it felt uncomfortable and completely unnatural, especially for my flesh which is used to the gratification I get from depending on my own ability. I also felt that relying on God meant that I was weak. Being weak to me has never represented as anything good. This is because the world we live in today has no time for the weak. It quickly praises and rewards those who are strong or appear strong according to the world’s lens. And so being weak to the point where I had to utterly and completely trust in God, frustrated me.
Yet the irony of weakness is that it nurtures faith. It is only during a season where we need to rely on our faith that we can truly grow in our walk with Christ. The very faith we are always talking about every time we go to church and proclaim the name of God. So, you could say that I never really wanted to have to use or rely on this faith which I prophesised. Ironically, the very thing I claimed I based my life on. My idea of being a Christian was to know God, but keep my faith somewhere in the corner to gather dust like a nice shiny trophy that is not relevant in the “now” of life. That is how twisted and confused my thinking was. Yet the truth is if we are never weak then we will never truly seek to access the power of God. I now realise that I had put my confidence in the wrong things, earthly things instead of God, and so when I found my earthy things removed and I was in need (aka weak) I would find myself feeling insecure even though as a Christian my security is supposed to be in the Lord. In fact, weakness should be a reason to celebrate.
As I am growing in my walk with God, I am learning to celebrate when I am weak. Because it is only in my weakness that I can truly rely on God. I am learning to put my confidence only in God. These days even when everything is falling apart and there is absolutely nothing I can do; I am learning that it is in these defining moments that I should be most confident because I have no choice but to be completely reliant on God and God alone. It is in those truly humbling yet empowering moment when I find myself not knowing how to proceed when I get on my knees in humility and seek the strength of God. It is in this moment when I meet my father above with an open heart. Yes, it is in this moment when I grow the most because I completely rely on His strength.
Completely relying on God these days means that I am strong. I now find peace and confidence in this posture of utter and complete surrender. Oh, I wonder what type of saints we would be if this was our posture all the time even in those moments when we believed that we did not need God. Oh, if we kept this posture of surrender, what would stand in our way?
So now when I find myself feeling unworthy, imperfect, defeated, not good enough, like an imposter, I feel joy leap within me and not anxiety or stress, because I run to the throne of grace. I have come to learn that when I am weakest is when I am strongest because it is only then when I have no options than to truly rely on my loving and faithful father in heaven. Yes, I am strongest when all I have is my God, my father, and King of my heart. So, let me rejoice in my weakness!
Memory Verse
2 Corinthians 12:1-10
I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. 2 I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. 3 And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— 4 was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. 5 I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6 Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, 7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Isaiah 40:31
But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.
Exodus 15:2
The Lord is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.
Psalm 118:14
The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
Psalm 29:11
May the Lord give strength to his people! May the Lord bless his people with peace!
Psalm 28: 7-8
The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him. The Lord is the strength of his people; he is the saving refuge of his anointed.