My Addiction

2019-01-16



Psalm 107:13-16  Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind,  for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron.

The devil set a trap, but God saw the future.

The first time I got hooked, I never saw it coming. I was like a mouse who was not even looking for cheese, but because it literally popped out of nowhere I followed and  found myself  trapped. All in the name of childlike wonder and curiosity! I was drawn to it because I had never ever seen anything like it. No one had ever told me about it. I never knew if it was good or bad even though at the pit of my stomach I felt my spirit stir like I was in the layer of the evil one, but I ignored it. I never knew the consequence of my decision, but if I Knew then what I knew know, I would not have touched that cheese, in fact  I would have run in the opposite direction and never looked back. So, the trap was laid, and being nine at the time, I was naïve, blind and unsuspecting. So, I fell hook, line and sinker and for the next 23 years of my life I was a slave. That is the thing about addictions they always seem so harmless, and often you never know what you are getting into. Plus, we never know in advance what our poison is, and unfortunately there are some addictions that we are individually more predisposed to because of our family tree and choices made by those who came before us. As a result all it takes is a little exposure and you are a prisoner.

Further, I have come to learn that addictions come as substitutes to fill a void in us. It gives one that illusive high just for a short while, but it never really satisfies and so it keeps you coming back. For twenty-three years my addiction (slave master) evolved from one monster to another, I literally felt like a slave, like I had no control of myself so I kept coming and asking for more. I kept crossing the line but it never ever satisfied it just made me hungrier. Oh, and the shame I would feel after was the worst because I knew better. Then there was the feeling of helplessness, of knowing that I could not set myself free. It was debilitating. It owned me, it owned my soul. In fact, my addiction took down everything, my self-love and my self-worth, and my ability to be happy. Additionally, it stole my time and my money. It took and took leaving me empty and miserable, but Jesus! I seriously do not know what or where I would be with Him.

It was here in the pit of my filth, in my prison, in my helplessness that God became more real to me than he had ever been. It was here that I understood what grace truly was. It was here that I understood the price he paid on the cross for me, and what that price meant for me. It was here that I not only encountered grace but it changed my life forever. He welcomed me, He showed me such pure love, such open arms. He is the saviour of my soul. Additionally, what moves me to tears ever so often when I recall my days as a prisoner, is not that he saved me from it, which I am forever grateful for, but the fact that he heard me. He heard my cry from the depths of my soul, He saw my pain, He saw me suffocating in the pool of my shame and helplessness. It gives me great comfort to know that even in the ugliest depths of my addiction I was never ever alone. Even when the devil thought he had won and conquered me, He heard me, He saw me. Nothing matters to me like that. He came down to my level, to where I was. He came to the prison where I was held captive by my wrong decisions, and he set me free.

When I look back on my life, I now know that everything in life should be done in moderation, only God is a must. When something becomes a must in your life, it is an addiction. So quickly take it to God and place it on the altar so he may set you free. The only way I got out is God, only God, nothing but God. I had tried to get out for over 23 years, but nothing. The enemy bound me so tightly, I could not change on my own strength, but Jesus. Now I am free, my Jesus is reclaiming it all for me, he is reclaiming the years that the locust ate. He is my saviour, and the King of my soul. He is my beginning and my end. My All. I am nothing, absolutely nothing without you God.


Ms Annie

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Psalm 107:13-16 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains.  Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron.


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